my first day at junior high school
it was the first day of my seventh grade, and i woke up early with butterflies in my stomach. i had my new uniform on, which felt a bit too big for me, like wearing my dad's shirt. the school seemed so much bigger than my primary school, and it scared me a little. my mom gave me a big hug and said, 'you'll do great, honey,' but her words didn't quite calm me down.
as i walked into the classroom, all eyes were on me. it felt as if they were all thinking, 'who is this newbie?' i tried to say hello to everyone, but my voice came out so low that even i could barely hear it. my english teacher, ms. johnson, introduced me to the class. she had a kind smile, but i was too nervous to notice. we started our lesson, and i was struggling to understand the new grammar rules. it was like trying to solve a mystery without any clues.
during lunch, i sat alone at a corner table, staring at my untouched sandwich. suddenly, a girl named lily approached me, asking if she could sit down. we started talking about our favorite books, and before i knew it, i had made my first friend. that day, i learned that making friends wasn't as scary as i thought.
after school, i ran home to tell my parents about my day. i mixed up some words, saying, 'i had a hard time with the grammar, but i found a new buddy.' my parents laughed, and i realized my mistake. but, it was okay because i knew i'd get better.
老師評(píng)語(yǔ)：
本文生動(dòng)地描繪了七年級(jí)新生的緊張與不安，展現(xiàn)了成長(zhǎng)的挑戰(zhàn)和友誼的力量。但部分句子結(jié)構(gòu)略顯混亂，如'i had a hard time with the grammar, but i found a new buddy'，應(yīng)修正為'i struggled with the new grammar rules, yet i managed to make a friend.'
內(nèi)容亮點(diǎn)：
文章中的個(gè)人經(jīng)歷和情感變化富有真實(shí)感，尤其是與新朋友lily的互動(dòng)，體現(xiàn)了友情的溫暖。作者巧妙地將恐懼、緊張、困惑和喜悅交織在一起，使讀者能感受到初入中學(xué)的復(fù)雜心情。
優(yōu)化參考：
原段落：'as i walked into the classroom, all eyes were on me. it felt as if they were all thinking, 'who is this newbie?''
優(yōu)化后的：'stepping into the classroom, i sensed every gaze, imagining whispers of curiosity behind their unspoken question: 'who's the new kid?''
批改后作文
標(biāo)題：my first steps into junior high
on the dawn of my seventh-grade journey, i stirred from sleep, heart fluttering like a caged bird. the freshly laundered uniform hung loosely on me, akin to donning my father's oversized attire. the grandeur of the junior high school intimidated me, casting a shadow over my primary school days. my mother's reassuring embrace and gentle words—'you'll conquer, dear'—failed to soothe my jitters.
as i entered the classroom, the collective scrutiny felt like a spotlight. 'who's this stranger?' their silent queries seemed to echo. my attempt at greeting them was a feeble whisper, almost imperceptible. ms. johnson, my english teacher, warmly welcomed me before the class, yet my nerves overshadowed her kindness. the grammar lesson unfolded like an unsolvable enigma, leaving me perplexed.
during lunchtime, i found myself isolated at a corner, my sandwich untouched. lily, a girl with a radiant smile, approached me, asking if she could join. our conversation about beloved books melted my solitude, and before long, i discovered a newfound companion. that day, i realized that friendship can alleviate even the toughest challenges.
back home, i excitedly narrated my day to my parents, mixing up a few words. 'i stumbled over the grammar, but i stumbled upon a friend too,' i blurted. their laughter filled the room, and i acknowledged my linguistic slip. but, it was a reminder that growth comes with stumbles.
作文寫(xiě)作素材：
閱讀參考
- "charlotte"s web" by e.b. white - 學(xué)習(xí)如何描繪情感豐富的場(chǎng)景和角色。
- "the chronicles of narnia" by c.s. lewis - 探索人物發(fā)展和友誼的主題。
- "journey to the river sea" by eva ibbotson - 學(xué)習(xí)如何用生動(dòng)的細(xì)節(jié)描繪新環(huán)境。
- 完成初中英語(yǔ)課本的語(yǔ)法練習(xí)，以加強(qiáng)理解和應(yīng)用。
注意：以上書(shū)籍和課文旨在提供參考，幫助提升寫(xiě)作技巧和理解力，具體選擇應(yīng)根據(jù)個(gè)人興趣和學(xué)習(xí)進(jìn)度。
