my favourite animal
i have a lot of pets, but my most favorite one is my little doggy, named biscuit. biscuit is a tiny brown ball with four short legs and big, shiny eyes that always seem to sparkle with joy. he's so cute, i can't help but play with him all day long. whenever i'm sad, he's there wagging his tail, like he's saying, 'it's okay, i'm here.' his bark isn't loud, it's more like a gentle whisper, which makes me laugh.
one time, biscuit did something funny. he chased his own tail around the room, running in circles till he fell asleep, still spinning. it was hilarious! but sometimes, he gets confused, like when he tries to catch his reflection in the mirror. he barks at it, but then gets scared and hides behind me. it's a bit confusing for him, i guess.
i love taking biscuit for walks in the park. he loves to run free, chasing butterflies and squirrels. but he forgets to stop sometimes, and i have to pull his leash, reminding him to slow down. his enthusiasm is contagious, though, and i find myself smiling even on the gloomiest days.
in the evening, we cuddle up on the couch, watching tv together. biscuit doesn't understand the shows, but he seems to enjoy the sound and warmth. his presence is comforting, like a warm blanket on a cold night.
but, biscuit has a bad habit too. he steals socks from the laundry basket and buries them under the bed. i found a dozen socks hidden there once. i don't know why he does it, but it's our little secret.
老師評語：
the essay portrays a personal narrative with vivid descriptions, showing the writer's affection for their pet. however, there are some grammatical errors and inconsistencies. for instance, 'most favorite' should be 'favorite,' and 'barks isn't loud' should be 'bark isn't loud.' also, the transition between paragraphs could be smoother.
內(nèi)容亮點：
the writer successfully created a lively portrayal of their pet dog, using engaging anecdotes and emotions. the imagery of biscuit chasing his tail and getting confused by his reflection adds humor to the piece.
優(yōu)化參考：
although the narrative is engaging, certain parts can be refined. for example, instead of 'he's so cute, i can't help but play with him all day long,' it could read, 'his irresistible cuteness compels me into endless playtime.' also, 'his bark isn't loud, it's more like a gentle whisper' can be rephrased as 'his barks are soft, akin to a gentle whisper.'
批改后作文
my dearest companion is my diminutive canine, biscuit, a brown whirlwind of energy with stubby legs and gleaming, expressive eyes. his mere presence fills me with delight, and his wagging tail is a soothing symphony when i'm down. once, he amusingly chased his own tail until exhaustion overtook him, leaving him curled up in a spinning slumber. his confusion with his mirror reflection never fails to amuse – barking fiercely before timidly seeking refuge behind me.
strolls in the park with biscuit are invigorating. watching him dash after butterflies and squirrels, his unbridled joy is infectious, making even cloudy days seem brighter. yet, he occasionally forgets to pause, necessitating gentle reminders to slow his pace. on quiet evenings, we share the couch, engrossed in the television's glow. his company is a source of warmth, like a cozy blanket on chilly nights.
a peculiar quirk biscuit possesses is his affinity for sock stealing. he stealthily excavates socks from the laundry and conceals them under the bed, a secret cache i've discovered to my amusement.
作文寫作素材：
閱讀參考
for improving narrative flow and refining language, consider studying "charlotte"s web" by e.b. white and "the art of racing in the rain" by garth stein. these books showcase compelling animal characters and effective storytelling techniques. also, revisiting english grammar lessons on verb tense consistency and comparative adjectives would be beneficial.
