my trip to the seaside
last summer, i went to the seaside with my family. it was a sunny day, the sun was so bright it felt like it was melting my ice cream before i could even taste it. we reached the beach and i saw the sea stretching out as far as my eyes could see, like a big blue blanket. the waves were like playful children, splashing and running towards the shore.
i built a sandcastle, but the water kept washing it away. i got frustrated, but mom said, 'that's just the way the tide works, dear.' i didn't understand, but i tried again, and this time i built it further from the water. it worked! i felt so proud of myself, even though it wasn't the tallest castle, it was mine.
we also went for a swim. the water was chilly at first, but once i was in, it felt refreshing. dad taught me how to float, but i kept sinking. he laughed, saying, 'you'll get there, champ.' i didn't like that nickname, but i didn't argue.
at night, we had a barbecue on the beach. the stars were shining, and the moon looked like a giant silver coin in the sky. the food was delicious, especially the grilled fish. it tasted different from what we had at home, maybe because it was cooked under the open sky.
looking back, it wasn't the most perfect trip, but it was memorable. i learned about tides, floated (kind of), and enjoyed the taste of seaside food. i can't wait for our next adventure.
老師評語：
the essay provides a vivid account of a personal experience at the seaside. the writer skillfully captures the essence of the day, from the heat of the sun to the joy of building a sandcastle. however, there are a few areas for improvement. in the sentence 'the waves were like playful children, splashing and running towards the shore,' the comparison might be a bit cliché. also, the transition from building the sandcastle to swimming could be smoother.
內(nèi)容亮點：
the writer effectively uses descriptive language to create a sensory experience for the reader. the frustration with the sandcastle and the learning process resonate with the reader, showcasing a genuine human experience. the dialogue between the writer and their parent adds a touch of realism.
優(yōu)化參考：
the sentence 'that's just the way the tide works, dear' could be rephrased to 'mom explained the ebb and flow of the tide, teaching me a valuable lesson about nature's rhythm.' this adds more depth to the lesson learned. for the transition, inserting 'after our sandcastle endeavor, we ventured into the sea, where dad introduced me to the art of floating.'
批改后作文
last summer, i embarked on a seaside escapade with my family. on a radiant day, the sun blazed high, almost liquefying my ice cream before it could touch my tongue. the beach unfolded before us, a vast expanse of cerulean blue merging into the horizon, akin to an artist's stroke. the waves, like mischievous sprites, frolicked towards the shore, leaving behind a trail of foamy footprints.
i constructed a sandcastle, only for the waves to repeatedly reclaim their territory. frustration tingled within me, but mom gently schooled me, 'the tide's dance is nature's lesson, my dear.' i puzzled over her words, yet decided to build anew, positioning the castle within the tide's reach. my determination paid off, albeit with a modest structure. it was a triumph, one that filled me with pride.
our aquatic adventure followed. the water initially felt like a bracing embrace, but soon transformed into a refreshing respite. dad attempted to teach me the art of floating, though my attempts were met with sinking spells. he chuckled, dubbing me 'champ,' a nickname i found amusing yet endearing.
as night descended, we dined al fresco, a beachside barbecue beneath a star-studded canvas and a luminous moon. the grilled fish, seasoned by the ocean breeze, tasted divine, distinct from our home-cooked meals.
reflecting, the trip wasn't without imperfections, but its memories linger. i gained insights into the tide's rhythm, tentatively floated, and savored the seaside's unique flavors. each moment etched itself into my heart, making me eagerly anticipate our next odyssey.
作文寫作素材：
閱讀參考
for enhancing your travel essays, consider reading "on the road" by jack kerouac for its free-spirited narrative style, or "under the tuscan sun" by frances mayes for its rich descriptions of place and experience. also, studying descriptive paragraphs in english textbooks can help improve your use of sensory details and metaphors.
