ever since i was a little kid, i've always had this thing for collecting rocks. i know it might sound a bit weird, but there's just something about them that fascinates me. each rock has its own story, like a tiny piece of the earth's history waiting to be discovered.
i remember the first rock i ever collected. it was a smooth, shiny pebble i found by the riverbank. i carried it around everywhere, even to school, much to my teacher's annoyance. she said it wasn't very 'classroom-friendly,' but i couldn't help it. that little pebble felt like treasure to me.
sometimes, when i'm out walking, i'll spot a particularly interesting rock and i just can't resist picking it up. my collection is now so big that my mom keeps threatening to throw them out, saying our house is turning into a mini geological museum. but i can't bear to part with any of them. they're like my friends, each with its unique shape, texture, and color.
one day, i decided to classify them. i divided them into groups - the shiny ones, the rough ones, the big ones, the small ones. it was like solving a puzzle, trying to figure out how they all fit together. i even started labeling them with their scientific names, like granite or limestone, which i learned from a book on geology.
collecting rocks isn't just about the rocks themselves; it's also about the adventures i have searching for them. i've climbed hills, explored caves, and wandered along beaches, all in search of that perfect addition to my collection. it's like a treasure hunt, and every discovery brings a thrill.
there's one particular adventure that stands out. i was on a hiking trip with my family and found this beautiful amethyst crystal. it was hidden deep within a crevice, sparkling in the sunlight. when i showed it to my dad, he said it looked like a piece of the rainbow had broken off and landed on earth. that moment, i felt like the luckiest kid alive.
sure, some people might think my hobby is a bit odd, but that's okay. it's my little world of wonders, where i find joy and peace. i love that i can look at a simple rock and see not just an object, but a piece of the earth's grand story.
老師評(píng)語(yǔ)：
本文生動(dòng)地描繪了作者對(duì)收集石頭的獨(dú)特愛(ài)好，語(yǔ)言雖然略顯單薄，但充滿了個(gè)人情感和生活細(xì)節(jié)。然而，'each rock has its own story, like a tiny piece of the earth's history waiting to be discovered.' 這句話稍顯抽象，可能需要具體化。此外，'it's like a treasure hunt, and every discovery brings a thrill.' 這句過(guò)渡不夠自然。
內(nèi)容亮點(diǎn)：
作者成功地將個(gè)人經(jīng)歷與情感融入到對(duì)愛(ài)好的描述中，尤其是對(duì)石頭的熱愛(ài)和收藏過(guò)程的描繪，富有畫(huà)面感。同時(shí)，文中的一些輕微語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤和不嚴(yán)謹(jǐn)表述增加了文章的真實(shí)感。
優(yōu)化參考：
在描述石頭的故事時(shí)，可以加入一些具體的例子，如石頭的形成過(guò)程或它們?cè)诘刭|(zhì)歷史中的作用。例如，“that little pebble, once part of a great mountain, now rests in my palm, whispering tales of ancient erosion.” 過(guò)渡部分可改為：“exploring for rocks turns every outing into an exciting quest, each find igniting a sense of accomplishment.”
批改后作文
ever since i was a child, i've been captivated by the humble art of rock collecting. each rock, i believe, holds a snippet of earth's narrative, a testament to epochs of transformation. a pebble i found near a trickling stream, once part of a towering peak, now nestles in my palm, narrating its tale of erosion's gentle touch.
school days were often punctuated by my loyal companion, a polished stone i'd secretly stashed in my pocket. teachers might have deemed it disruptive, but to me, it was a tangible connection to nature's mysteries. today, my home brims with my geological treasures, each one a cherished friend, a testament to countless expeditions.
my fascination led to a systematic approach. i began categorizing them, grouping them by appearance and origin, a personal attempt at geological classification. labeling them with their scientific nomenclature, gleaned from a borrowed tome, added a scholarly charm.
one unforgettable escapade unfolded during a family hike. i chanced upon an amethyst crystal, nestled in a crevice, shimmering like a fragment of a rainbow. the sight was ethereal, a moment of serendipity that filled me with unbridled joy.
while others may view my hobby as eccentric, i find solace and excitement in my geological odyssey. each rock, though seemingly ordinary, carries a universe of stories, waiting to be deciphered.
作文寫(xiě)作素材：
閱讀參考
建議多閱讀關(guān)于地質(zhì)學(xué)的科普書(shū)籍，如《the story of earth: the first 4.5 billion years, from stardust to living planet》；同時(shí)，學(xué)習(xí)一些基礎(chǔ)的地質(zhì)學(xué)知識(shí)，如巖石類(lèi)型和地殼變動(dòng)，這將有助于深化你的敘述。此外，可以參考《charlotte"s web》等兒童文學(xué)作品，學(xué)習(xí)如何用簡(jiǎn)潔而富有想象力的語(yǔ)言講述故事。
