my best friend is tom, he's a really cool guy. we met in primary school when we were both in the same class. tom has this infectious laughter that can light up any room, and his hair is always messy, like he just got out of bed. he's not the best at spelling, but he's great at sports, especially football.
once, we went on a camping trip together. it was my first time, and i was scared. tom, being the brave one, said, 'don't worry, mate, i'll protect you from all the monsters under the bed.' i laughed because i knew he was joking, but it made me feel better. that night, when i heard a rustling sound, i screamed, and tom jumped out of his tent, ready to fight off any imaginary creature. it turned out to be just a raccoon, but it was a funny moment we still talk about.
in english class, tom sometimes confuses 'there,' 'their,' and 'they're.' he wrote once, 'their going to the park, and they're bringing there ball.' i corrected him, but it's okay; we all make mistakes. he's getting better though.
another time, we had a science project, and tom suggested we build a volcano. it erupted too much, and we ended up with a classroom full of fake lava. our teacher wasn't amused, but we learned a valuable lesson about measuring ingredients correctly.
tom is more than a friend; he's like a brother to me. we've shared so many adventures and mishaps that i can't imagine life without him. even if he does forget to do his homework sometimes or mixes up his words, he's still the best friend anyone could ask for.
老師評語：
這篇作文生動地描繪了你和朋友tom的友情，展現(xiàn)了你們共同經(jīng)歷的趣事，但存在一些語法和拼寫錯誤。例如，“their going”應(yīng)為“they're going”，“there ball”應(yīng)為“their ball”。盡管如此，你的敘事方式充滿活力，富有孩子的天真無邪。
內(nèi)容亮點(diǎn)：
文章的亮點(diǎn)在于其真實(shí)感和趣味性。你成功地描繪了tom的獨(dú)特性格，以及你們之間的深厚友誼，讓讀者感受到了你們的互動和成長。你的故事講述技巧在描述tom的拼寫錯誤和科學(xué)實(shí)驗(yàn)失敗時(shí)展現(xiàn)得淋漓盡致。
優(yōu)化參考：
在描述tom的拼寫錯誤時(shí)，可以更具體地說明他的困惑，比如他如何混淆這些詞的用法，這樣不僅能展示他的特點(diǎn)，也能提供學(xué)習(xí)的機(jī)會。對于科學(xué)實(shí)驗(yàn)的部分，可以詳述一下你們?nèi)绾谓鉀Q這個問題，以此來體現(xiàn)你們的團(tuán)隊(duì)協(xié)作精神。
批改后作文
my best friend, tom, is an amusing fellow. our friendship blossomed in primary school, where his boisterous laughter could instantly brighten the dullest corners. his tousled hair, a constant reminder of his carefree spirit, adds to his charm. although he struggles with homophones, like confusing 'there' for 'their' or 'they're', he excels in sports, particularly in the art of football.
on our maiden camping adventure, tom's jesting assurance to protect me from 'monsters under the bed' alleviated my fears. when i mistook a curious raccoon for a nocturnal beast, his bravery, albeit misdirected, turned into a hilarious memory we cherish.
during a science project, tom's enthusiasm led us to construct a volcano. however, our overzealous eruption resulted in a classroom 'lava flow'. while our teacher wasn't entertained, we learned the importance of precision in measurements, a valuable life lesson.
tom is more than a friend; he's a brother. our camaraderie, filled with laughter and learning, has shaped who i am. despite his occasional homework lapses or linguistic blunders, tom remains the perfect embodiment of a true friend.
作文寫作素材：
閱讀參考
為了提升寫作能力，建議多閱讀《哈利·波特》系列，學(xué)習(xí)其中的生動描繪和有趣情節(jié)；同時(shí)，查閱《牛津高階英漢雙解詞典》以加深對詞匯和語法的理解。課文如《小王子》和《湯姆·索亞歷險(xiǎn)記》也可幫助理解人物塑造和故事敘述技巧。
相關(guān)詩句
1. 伯鸞長嘯出東都，來卜龍邱二畝居。千歲仍昆作英語，五噫文采尚周馀。胸中萬卷未得力，堂下一言誰識渠。我亦微官方冷甚，恨無燕玉可相噓。
