title: the mid-autumn festival
the mid-autumn festival, also known as the moon festival, is a time when families gather together to admire the full moon and share delicious mooncakes. it's celebrated on the 15th day of the 8th lunar month, which usually falls in september or october. this festival has a long history, dating back to ancient china, and it symbolizes unity and harmony.
during this festival, people light lanterns, perform traditional dances, and tell stories about chang'e, the moon goddess. one year, my family and i made our own lanterns using paper and glue, it was so much fun, even though our lanterns didn't look as pretty as the store-bought ones. we also had a barbecue in our backyard, grilling meat and vegetables while waiting for the moon to rise. as we ate, we shared laughter and memories, the taste of mooncakes melting in our mouths, a sweet reminder of the love we have for each other.
in some parts of china, people release sky lanterns into the air, wishing for good luck and happiness. it's a breathtaking sight, hundreds of lanterns floating up into the night sky, like stars falling from heaven. however, last year, we couldn't do that because of the fire hazard, so we made wishes by writing them down on small pieces of paper and placed them in a jar instead.
the festival is not just about eating and playing; it's also a time for reflection. as i gaze at the moon, i think about my ancestors and the sacrifices they made for us. the moon, being a constant in our lives, reminds me of the unchanging bond between generations.
the mid-autumn festival is a beautiful tradition that brings joy and warmth to our hearts. it's a celebration of family, love, and gratitude. every year, i look forward to it, knowing that no matter how busy life gets, we'll always find time to come together under the same moon.
老師點(diǎn)評
this piece showcases a genuine personal touch and vivid descriptions of the mid-autumn festival. however, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that need attention. for instance, 'our lanterns didn't look as pretty as the store-bought ones' could be rephrased to 'our homemade lanterns lacked the finesse of those from the store.' also, 'hundreds of lanterns floating up into the night sky, like stars falling from heaven' might sound more natural if altered to 'hundreds of lanterns ascending, resembling stars descending from the celestial realm.'
星級等級
四星
亮點(diǎn)分析
the essay successfully captures the essence of the mid-autumn festival with personal anecdotes and heartfelt emotions. the imagery of the family gathering, making lanterns, and sharing mooncakes paints a warm picture of the festival's traditions.
優(yōu)化和改進(jìn)
one area that could be refined is the transition between paragraphs. the shift from lantern-making to the barbecue could be smoother, perhaps by mentioning how both activities were part of the family's festive preparation. also, the explanation of the sky lantern tradition could be clearer, highlighting its symbolic significance.
修改后范文
the mid-autumn festival, a cherished occasion for familial reunions, unfolds under the resplendent glow of the full moon. our family's annual ritual involves crafting lanterns, a task filled with laughter and glue-stained hands. although our creations might lack the polished charm of store-bought ones, their homemade charm holds a special place in our hearts. amidst the barbecue, where sizzling meats and fresh vegetables fill the air with aroma, we share stories and memories, the mooncake's sweetness mirroring the love that binds us.
in some regions, the festival takes flight with sky lanterns, symbolizing hope and happiness. their ethereal ascent, akin to stars descending, is a poignant spectacle. last year, we adapted by jotting down our wishes on paper, sealing them in a jar, as a safer alternative to the lantern release, demonstrating the resilience of tradition in the face of challenges.
the moon, an eternal witness to our celebrations, invites introspection. its steady presence serves as a reminder of the sacrifices of our ancestors and the unyielding connection across generations. the mid-autumn festival, therefore, is more than a feast; it's a testament to family, love, and gratitude, a yearly affirmation of our shared bonds.
閱讀參考
for a deeper understanding and better expression in future compositions, consider reading classic chinese literature like 'journey to the west' and 'a dream of red mansions,' which often reference the moon and its symbolism. additionally, studying folklore and legends surrounding the mid-autumn festival can enrich your narrative. reading essays and articles on cultural traditions and family values would also be beneficial.
老師評語：
this piece showcases a genuine personal touch and vivid descriptions of the mid-autumn festival. however, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that need attention. for instance, 'our lanterns didn't look as pretty as the store-bought ones' could be rephrased to 'our homemade lanterns lacked the finesse of those from the store.' also, 'hundreds of lanterns floating up into the night sky, like stars falling from heaven' might sound more natural if altered to 'hundreds of lanterns ascending, resembling stars descending from the celestial realm.'
星級等級
四星
內(nèi)容亮點(diǎn)：
the essay successfully captures the essence of the mid-autumn festival with personal anecdotes and heartfelt emotions. the imagery of the family gathering, making lanterns, and sharing mooncakes paints a warm picture of the festival's traditions.
優(yōu)化參考：
one area that could be refined is the transition between paragraphs. the shift from lantern-making to the barbecue could be smoother, perhaps by mentioning how both activities were part of the family's festive preparation. also, the explanation of the sky lantern tradition could be clearer, highlighting its symbolic significance.
批改后作文
the mid-autumn festival, a cherished occasion for familial reunions, unfolds under the resplendent glow of the full moon. our family's annual ritual involves crafting lanterns, a task filled with laughter and glue-stained hands. although our creations might lack the polished charm of store-bought ones, their homemade charm holds a special place in our hearts. amidst the barbecue, where sizzling meats and fresh vegetables fill the air with aroma, we share stories and memories, the mooncake's sweetness mirroring the love that binds us.
in some regions, the festival takes flight with sky lanterns, symbolizing hope and happiness. their ethereal ascent, akin to stars descending, is a poignant spectacle. last year, we adapted by jotting down our wishes on paper, sealing them in a jar, as a safer alternative to the lantern release, demonstrating the resilience of tradition in the face of challenges.
the moon, an eternal witness to our celebrations, invites introspection. its steady presence serves as a reminder of the sacrifices of our ancestors and the unyielding connection across generations. the mid-autumn festival, therefore, is more than a feast; it's a testament to family, love, and gratitude, a yearly affirmation of our shared bonds.
作文寫作素材：
閱讀參考
for a deeper understanding and better expression in future compositions, consider reading classic chinese literature like "journey to the west" and "a dream of red mansions," which often reference the moon and its symbolism. additionally, studying folklore and legends surrounding the mid-autumn festival can enrich your narrative. reading essays and articles on cultural traditions and family values would also be beneficial.
